Start writing this post at 22:18….
So hello, I haven’t posted on here in a while. Who cares anyway?
Things went from bad to worse, and now things are ok but they’re also not ok. I don’t really know what is going on, I don’t really know how to cope with things anymore. I kind of feel numb, but my anxiety has gotten really bad. The people I live with don’t really talk to me, they would rather write tweets or ignore situations than actually confront things that is on their mind. I’m not denying that I don’t do this, because I definitely do. To be fair, I don’t blame them for doing this as it just makes things easier. I just don’t understand what I have done wrong.. So I am just going to accept and move on.
I can’t move out because if I do I’m scared I’ll never hear from my dad again, I don’t even know why I care. I also need to pay him rent but it’s extremely hard to do so when you don’t have a job or any money. I’m trying my hardest with this Youtube gig, but doubt anything will ever come from it. I’m too embarrassed to share it on social media, my username isn’t even my name. WHY DO I CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK SO MUCH?
This blog post is gonna be a messy one…
I don’t even know if I have depression anymore, apparently it isn’t just depression, it’s a personality disorder. What’s wrong with my personality? Why do I have to be like this? < I always hated that question because if it wasn't me then it would be someone else. I don't feel suicidal anymore, I use to think about killing myself everyday, but now I just feel like I need to keep going, I have to be strong for myself.
I need friends.
I'm depressed
Ergh
I might be back on here later. But for now. Goodbye.
Stopped writing at 22:28pm…